baserinstincts

Yearbook

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We were flipping through each others yearbooks.

An unlikely pair we were, oblivious to one another until senior year and then pratically bosom buddies from the off.

Thankfully, I was spared the agony of wondering how I’d get through my first years of adulthood without her because we were going to the same college.

Looking through her book, I red page after page of handwritten messages. “Patty you’re so smart,” they all invariably began. “Patty you’re so brainy.” “What an intelligent person you are,”.. and so on and so forth.

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She flipped through my book and read the writings scrawled across my pages. “Desi you’re so sexy,” they all invariably began. “Desi you’re hot.” “What a beautiful girl you are,”…and so on and so forth (with many comments about the size of my boobs in between).

I looked up and she was already looking at me. We were both frowning.

“ I wish more people said I was pretty,” she whined.

I smiled.

“ I wish more people said I was smart.” голова болит секс

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The (other) One Who Got Away (Or My First Lesson in Sex for Sex's Sake)

How I didn’t notice him until senior year, I’ll never comprehend.

And even once I did, it was toward the end of senior year. We’d soon be going off to college in two very different places and any chances for a real budding romance were dwindling.

But the attraction was utterly palpable.

There were mild flirtations during the senior trip. There were the usual questions, “does he really like me or is he just being friendly?”.

As far as physical features went, he ranked somewhere just below Greek god. He was tall, his skin a smooth dark chocolate (his family was from Africa, Nigeria to be exact) and he was extremely well built (he was on the football team).

And he had a smile that could halt traffic.

While back then I was probably too young and un self-aware to recognize a throbbing in the crotch area, I know now that’s exactly what it was. It was my first time looking at a man and wanting to fuck him.

We got to talking once we got back to school. I forgot exactly how the subject came about but after awhile it became clear that he was propositioning me.

I wanted to say yes but lacked the sexual sophistication to honor that feeling right away. I was confused about wanting him. I’d only been with one person thus far, within the context of a loving two year relationship (the way I was taught it was supposed to be…well actually I was taught to wait until marriage but we all know how realistic that is).

This guy wasn’t my boyfriend and I knew he would never be. Yet there it was, the desire to fuck. This was a new experience and I was a long way from coming into myself sexually enough that would make going for it a comfortable thing.

It took me until the end of the school year to make up my mind, in fact classes had already ended.

I was logged into AOL (hey, this was a long time ago) one night and saw his screen name pop up. I IMed him. We made small talk for awhile and then I told him I wanted to take him up on his proposition.

“What changed your mind,” he asked.

“I read in a magazine that when you’re out shopping the best way to tell if you really want something is to leave the store. If you’re still thinking about the item the next day, then you really want it. Well, I left school and realized I still wanted you.”

We made plans to get together the following week.

Now remember this is high school, the days of figuring out ways to steal sex in your parent’s house (sometimes even while they’re at home).

I went to his mother’s house which wasn’t that far from me. By this time I was much more comfortable with the idea (probably due to hormones), that idea being where you enjoy someone’s company and are really attracted to them and want to be with them to see what it’s like but not necessarily anything more.

Sex for sex’s sake, take one.

Except the sex never happened.

We had some wonderful foreplay but when it came down to it, he was just too worried about his mom coming home and catching him (and subsequently getting kicked out of the family) to um….keep his head in the game. In short he went schizo dick on me, erect one minute and the next, not.

If women could get blue balls I certainly would have had them that day.

We ran into each other again when he was home from college visiting. Well, we didn’t exactly “run into” each other. We talked on the phone and I found out he was in town so I invited him over.

He was still sexy as all hell.

My mom was out at work and besides my little sister, happily occupied playing Barbie in her own room, we had the house to ourselves. I didn’t want to be presumptuous so I was glad when he made the move. Things got hot and heavy real fast but when it came down to it…”do you have any condoms” he called from behind me.

“No,” I answered.

Shit! What the hell? How could he not come prepared? I wanted to cry.

“You?”

“No. I forgot them. That’s why I asked.”

We didn’t keep in much contact after that. I do remember emailing him to tell him not to be such a stranger and that if memory served we still had a bit of unfinished business to take care of.

No answer.

Years passed and before I knew it, it was reunion time. I got super dolled up and went out to mingle and reconnect with some of the most amazing people I’d known. I was talking to a good friend of mine (and one who knew the whole saga) when I felt a hand on my waist. I spun around a little startled and then I was staring up into his gorgeous, smiling face.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey yourself,” he replied and swept me into a big hug. Right on cue, things were twitching in my nether regions. We chatted for a bit and then he went to get a drink. He was seriously the last person I had expected to see there. Another friend then came up to me. “Rekindling an old flame,” he asked.

“Well…,” I started getting ready to explain that nothing ever happened but he cut me off.

“Spark that girl! Spark it!”

The night went on and eventually my ride was ready to leave. I made rounds to say my last goodbyes and ran again into him. “Leaving already,” he asked.

I jerked my head toward my friend saying, “she drove. I’m at her mercy.”

“Oh ok,” he said.

A pregnant silence followed.

It was now or never guy. Were we finally going to do this after what was now ten years of near misses and of dodging the issue?

There were no mothers to consider as we both lived alone now.

And I’m sure at that moment we both had at least several condoms on us.

I wasn’t going to ask.

Not verbally but the question was in my eyes.

He whipped out his cell. “Well let me get your number,” he said.

“Sure.”

I rattled the digits off and he called me right away so I could then save his number in my phone. “Keep in touch,” he said.

I hugged him once more and turned to leave.

We were now both staring at our phones, each knowing we’d never call the other.

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Call For Subnissions – What's Your Fetish?

Do you have a fetish?

YourTango is looking for personal essays from
people with sexual fixations on objects, ideas or body parts. We want to get inside your head and learn what you think and feel about your
proclivity and how it affects your relationships.

Your preference can be common or unknown—cross-dressing, erotic
asphyxiation, plushies, pony play, etc—all are welcome. You can be an
intense fetishist—you need to incorporate your preference into every
sex act in order to experience pleasure—or someone who enjoys the
activity but doesn’t require it for pleasure.

We’re not looking for erotic writing or graphic descriptions of what
goes on in your bedroom, although the essay will probably need an
overview of how a particular preference works. Instead, we want to understand the psychology behind your desire.

Some questions to get you started:

When did you discover you had this preference? How did you begin to
incorporate into your sex life? When did you first suggest it to a partner, and how did that person react? If you’re single and dating,how do you introduce the idea to a new lover? If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, how have you incorporated it into your sex life? Has the fetish ever caused disagreements or fights between you and a partner? Has it brought you closer to someone? What are your
emotions surrounding your fetish? Would your love life be different
if you didn’t have this preference?

We also welcome pitches from fetish newbies or one-timers—you don’t
need to be a knowledgeable insider to tell an insightful, interesting story. Write about doing something you’d always thought about but had never tried, or the time a date asked you for a sex act you’d never heard of, or attempting a wacky idea with your partner just for the heck of it. Did you like it, or decide it wasn’t for you? What did you think and feel before, during and after the act? How did you talk
about it with your partner? Did it bring you closer together or
further apart, or neither? Did you learn anything from the experience?

Send pitches to Nicole Perri, Nicole@yourtango.com. Thanks!

• Stark Raving Mad on dvd

Dragon Heat aka Dragon Squad full

Are You Coming to Sex 2.0?

The second Sex 2.0 to focus on the intersection of social media, feminism and sexuality

WASHINGTON, D.C. – April 27, 2009. Now in our second year, Sex 2.0, a one-day unconference, will take place on May 9, 2009 in Washington, D.C. Sex 2.0 will focus on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both?  Sex 2.0 is an unconference, which means that sessions will be informal conversations organized by people attending the event. Session leaders with some knowledge in a subject area facilitate conversations among the participants.

Sessions will include: “Internet Advocacy for Sexual Freedom” with Ricci Joy Levy of the Woodhull Foundation; “Polyamory in Media’s Spotlight” with Anita Wagner; “Craigslist Red, Craigslist Blue: Why we should dismantle the “internet red light district” with Melissa Gira Grant and Joanne McNeill;  “Kick Ass Twitter Apps” with Cunning Minx; “Revenge Porn” with Maria Diaz; and “Sex Writing Beyond Erotica, Beyond Porn” with Jack Murnighan, Nerve.com editor-at-large. The keynote speaker will be Nikol Hasler, creator of the Midwest Teen Sex Show (http://midwestteensexshow.com). A complete list of sessions may be viewed at: http://sex20con.com/2009-schedule/sessions/

Sex 2.0 will be held in a Washington, D.C. hotel. (To ensure everyone’s privacy, location information will be email once you are registered). It will offer five conference rooms, a lounge (with free WiFi), vendor area as well as space for various sex-positive outreach groups to set up informational displays and tables.

The event is managed by volunteers and funded by sponsors. We are pleased to have SEXTOY.com as our presenting sponsor this year. SEXTOY.com has been focusing on building a relationship within the blogger community with the recent start-up of its sex toy reviewer program. SEXTOY.com is honored to be the official sponsor for Sex 2.0 and looks forward to a mutually rewarding relationship with the blogger Community.  Two SEXTOY.com associates will be attending Sex 2.0 this year: Erik Van Riper and Domina Doll; who both look forward to meeting everyone, attending the talks and participating in discussions. Sex 2.0 is also pleased to have community sponsor Bound Not Gagged (www.boundnotgagged.com), hospitality sponsor Kimberleecline.com and technology sponsor PosAlt.com Dragon Heat aka Dragon Squad movie supporting this years conference.

While the event itself is on Saturday, May 9, there are participant-organized meetups, outings, and parties being planned for Friday night and Saturday evening, as well as a Sunday brunch. For more information, visit the Sex 2.0 website at www.sex20con.com or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/sex20con

The Exorcism of Emily Rose ipod

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Contact: Match
email: match@playwithmatch.com

The Last Sentinel video

Another Good Reason to Wrap It Up

This video about a man’s struggles with a rare type pf HPV (found on Gloria Brame’s awesome blog) is one of the scariest things I’ve seen.

I was so horrified watching this that I almost wish it were a hoax.

Moral – you can never be too careful.

Credo release

Performance Pressure

photo by flickr user jrblackwell Extraordinary Rendition full

I was beginning to worry that he was one of those guys that just couldn’t get off unless I was constantly saying filthy things to him.

It’s not that I’m against the whole potty mouthed slut routine. It’s just that I have trouble doing it on command.

Instead of concentrating on the feeling of the cock and the fucking, I’m now racking my brain for clever and dirty things to say.

People expect writers to automatically be great communicators. But just because one can express herself well in written form doesn’t mean she has the same success or ease when it comes to verbal communication (I even contemplated writing out a script and then reciting it while in bed…figured later that it wouldn’t be a good idea).

I’d like to be more vocal during sex because I know my partner really likes it but the talking has to come about organically. Hearing constant commands to “talk dirty to me” or “tell me how much you love this cock” etc. only gives me a weird anxiety.

Wait, you mean you want me to fuck your brains out and

give you play by play?

Too bad noises don’t count. If they did, I’d score highly since I’ve been known to get really loud.

Plus, I kinda find the whole thing distracting. A little dirty talk here and there is great and I have no problems saying wonderfully dirty things before and after the act but carrying on the equivalent of a full filthy conversation is totally different. It takes my mind away from what’s going on and I can’t be fully present in the sex itself. I need my mind in order to get off.

This is why I sucked at/hated working the phones.

I was good at phone sex and enjoyed it immensely in my personal experience.

After my ex fiancee and I had broken up for like the millionth time, I was in somewhat of a bad way. I was working full time and going to school full time and struggling to pay everything by myself.  Professional phone sex seemed like an attractive option at the time. I could do it from home and make the extra money I needed.

But I hated just about every minute I spent working the phones. The constant performance pressure was too much for me. And then factor in that for me, like many people, the enjoyment of an activity fades once you have to do it and get paid for it.

I quit the phone as soon as I could.

So yes, I like to talk dirty.

But I guess once I have to it’s just not fun anymore.

Another Good Reason To Wrap It Up?

(collecting th best images and video that promote safe sex)

The Exorcism of Emily Rose movie

L.A. Confidential movie download

…or is it?

This video got me thinking.

I’m all about safe sex.

I also LOVE to give head.

The thought of sucking on a condom, however, is not appealing at all (side note: While more than capable of doing so, I usually do not fellate my partner to completion so the spit or swallow dilemma is one I don’t really face..this is for my own selfish reasons of course…I find that most men are useless once you’ve gotten them off with your mouth and so I don’t get them off orally in the interest of keeping the ball rolling so to speak).

I’m interested to here your thoughts on the matter. Weigh in in the comments or take part in my poll.

Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.

Link Lovin'

(This week’s Absolute Favorite HNT is brought to you by Bad Bad Girl

. Love the knee socks!) The Wizard of Oz buy

Heart Full of Black: The Doctor – I love this, honest, non-pretending account of the factors that lead up to Wendy’s decision.

And lets throw some super honesty in. I’m excited about being able to wear high heels again. (I haven’t been able to wear them for the past 60lbs or so. I’m too off balance with weak ankles. They don’t hold me up.) It will be nice to be able to borrow clothes from my mother again. It’ll be great that my boobs might go down a bit (I know they’re only large B’s, but I liked them when they were A’s!). I’d really like to not knock stuff over with my butt. I think these are fair and valid feelings. But they still don’t take away from the fact that I am unhealthy and need help.

Sex In The Public Square: First They Came for the Street Workers – Elizabeth brings up a good point about the slippery slope.

If we don’t stand up for each other, all of us who engage in sexual expression that is stigmatized or criminalized, all of us who engage in sexual exchange outside of socially-sanctioned relationships, we are, all of us, sunk.

Writing Dirty: Wet Spots

• Anastasia: The Mystery of Anna video

– Um…whoa!

At first it is a train of clear water down her thigh and then it squirts like a little torrent. Her body is so overcome she is bucking like a animal trying to escape a trap. It goes on and on until it seems like almost too long, like something is wrong but then suddenly she is still except for her trembling legs.

HNT – Sleepy

Lately, all I want to do is hibernate…

HHNT everyone!

Cinderella Man the movie

Party With The Pinups

In the latest pinup news…

Have you ordered your calendar yet 3000 Miles to Graceland film

Road Trip: Beer Pong movies

Grim Reaper hd ? We’ll be raffling off a super cool OhMiBod every day from now until Saturday so get yours while the getting’s good. Yes that’s right. Buy a calendar and you’re automatically entered to win an awesome free sex toy (as if staring at us lovely ladies all year round wasn’t incentive enough).

If you don’t win, don’t fret. You can get some swag at our launch party. We are bringing this calendar to you in style, folks. We don’t fuck around. There’ll be burlesque dancers, Babeland goodie bags, a cake resembling some part of the female anatomy. Seriously, you need to be there. You can find the details here.

And lastly here’s a sneak peek to reward you all for being so very patient.

Photo by the ever fabulous Stacie Joy