baserinstincts

The (other) One Who Got Away (Or My First Lesson in Sex for Sex’s Sake)

How I didn’t notice him until senior year, I’ll never comprehend.

And even once I did, it was toward the end of senior year. We’d soon be going off to college in two very different places and any chances for a real budding romance were dwindling.

But the attraction was utterly palpable.

There were mild flirtations during the senior trip. There were the usual questions, “does he really like me or is he just being friendly?”.

As far as physical features went, he ranked somewhere just below Greek god. He was tall, his skin a smooth dark chocolate (his family was from Africa, Nigeria to be exact) and he was extremely well built (he was on the football team).

And he had a smile that could halt traffic.

While back then I was probably too young and un self-aware to recognize a throbbing in the crotch area, I know now that’s exactly what it was. It was my first time looking at a man and wanting to fuck him.

We got to talking once we got back to school. I forgot exactly how the subject came about but after awhile it became clear that he was propositioning me.

I wanted to say yes but lacked the sexual sophistication to honor that feeling right away. I was confused about wanting him. I’d only been with one person thus far, within the context of a loving two year relationship (the way I was taught it was supposed to be…well actually I was taught to wait until marriage but we all know how realistic that is).

This guy wasn’t my boyfriend and I knew he would never be. Yet there it was, the desire to fuck. This was a new experience and I was a long way from coming into myself sexually enough that would make going for it a comfortable thing.

It took me until the end of the school year to make up my mind, in fact classes had already ended.

I was logged into AOL (hey, this was a long time ago) one night and saw his screen name pop up. I IMed him. We made small talk for awhile and then I told him I wanted to take him up on his proposition.

“What changed your mind,” he asked.

“I read in a magazine that when you’re out shopping the best way to tell if you really want something is to leave the store. If you’re still thinking about the item the next day, then you really want it. Well, I left school and realized I still wanted you.”

We made plans to get together the following week.

Now remember this is high school, the days of figuring out ways to steal sex in your parent’s house (sometimes even while they’re at home).

I went to his mother’s house which wasn’t that far from me. By this time I was much more comfortable with the idea (probably due to hormones), that idea being where you enjoy someone’s company and are really attracted to them and want to be with them to see what it’s like but not necessarily anything more.

Sex for sex’s sake, take one.

Except the sex never happened.

We had some wonderful foreplay but when it came down to it, he was just too worried about his mom coming home and catching him (and subsequently getting kicked out of the family) to um….keep his head in the game. In short he went schizo dick on me, erect one minute and the next, not.

If women could get blue balls I certainly would have had them that day.

We ran into each other again when he was home from college visiting. Well, we didn’t exactly “run into” each other. We talked on the phone and I found out he was in town so I invited him over.

He was still sexy as all hell.

My mom was out at work and besides my little sister, happily occupied playing Barbie in her own room, we had the house to ourselves. I didn’t want to be presumptuous so I was glad when he made the move. Things got hot and heavy real fast but when it came down to it…”do you have any condoms” he called from behind me.

“No,” I answered.

Shit! What the hell? How could he not come prepared? I wanted to cry.

“You?”

“No. I forgot them. That’s why I asked.”

We didn’t keep in much contact after that. I do remember emailing him to tell him not to be such a stranger and that if memory served we still had a bit of unfinished business to take care of.

No answer.

Years passed and before I knew it, it was reunion time. I got super dolled up and went out to mingle and reconnect with some of the most amazing people I’d known. I was talking to a good friend of mine (and one who knew the whole saga) when I felt a hand on my waist. I spun around a little startled and then I was staring up into his gorgeous, smiling face.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey yourself,” he replied and swept me into a big hug. Right on cue, things were twitching in my nether regions. We chatted for a bit and then he went to get a drink. He was seriously the last person I had expected to see there. Another friend then came up to me. “Rekindling an old flame,” he asked.

“Well…,” I started getting ready to explain that nothing ever happened but he cut me off.

“Spark that girl! Spark it!”

The night went on and eventually my ride was ready to leave. I made rounds to say my last goodbyes and ran again into him. “Leaving already,” he asked.

I jerked my head toward my friend saying, “she drove. I’m at her mercy.”

“Oh ok,” he said.

A pregnant silence followed.

It was now or never guy. Were we finally going to do this after what was now ten years of near misses and of dodging the issue?

There were no mothers to consider as we both lived alone now.

And I’m sure at that moment we both had at least several condoms on us.

I wasn’t going to ask.

Not verbally but the question was in my eyes.

He whipped out his cell. “Well let me get your number,” he said.

“Sure.”

I rattled the digits off and he called me right away so I could then save his number in my phone. “Keep in touch,” he said.

I hugged him once more and turned to leave.

We were now both staring at our phones, each knowing we’d never call the other.

Are You Coming to Sex 2.0?

The second Sex 2.0 to focus on the intersection of social media, feminism and sexuality

WASHINGTON, D.C. - April 27, 2009. Now in our second year, Sex 2.0, a one-day unconference, will take place on May 9, 2009 in Washington, D.C. Sex 2.0 will focus on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both?  Sex 2.0 is an unconference, which means that sessions will be informal conversations organized by people attending the event. Session leaders with some knowledge in a subject area facilitate conversations among the participants.

Sessions will include: “Internet Advocacy for Sexual Freedom” with Ricci Joy Levy of the Woodhull Foundation; “Polyamory in Media’s Spotlight” with Anita Wagner; “Craigslist Red, Craigslist Blue: Why we should dismantle the “internet red light district” with Melissa Gira Grant and Joanne McNeill;  “Kick Ass Twitter Apps” with Cunning Minx; “Revenge Porn” with Maria Diaz; and “Sex Writing Beyond Erotica, Beyond Porn” with Jack Murnighan, Nerve.com editor-at-large. The keynote speaker will be Nikol Hasler, creator of the Midwest Teen Sex Show (http://midwestteensexshow.com). A complete list of sessions may be viewed at: http://sex20con.com/2009-schedule/sessions/

Sex 2.0 will be held in a Washington, D.C. hotel. (To ensure everyone’s privacy, location information will be email once you are registered). It will offer five conference rooms, a lounge (with free WiFi), vendor area as well as space for various sex-positive outreach groups to set up informational displays and tables.

The event is managed by volunteers and funded by sponsors. We are pleased to have SEXTOY.com as our presenting sponsor this year. SEXTOY.com has been focusing on building a relationship within the blogger community with the recent start-up of its sex toy reviewer program. SEXTOY.com is honored to be the official sponsor for Sex 2.0 and looks forward to a mutually rewarding relationship with the blogger Community.  Two SEXTOY.com associates will be attending Sex 2.0 this year: Erik Van Riper and Domina Doll; who both look forward to meeting everyone, attending the talks and participating in discussions. Sex 2.0 is also pleased to have community sponsor Bound Not Gagged (www.boundnotgagged.com), hospitality sponsor Kimberleecline.com and technology sponsor PosAlt.com supporting this years conference.

While the event itself is on Saturday, May 9, there are participant-organized meetups, outings, and parties being planned for Friday night and Saturday evening, as well as a Sunday brunch. For more information, visit the Sex 2.0 website at www.sex20con.com or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/sex20con.

Contact: Match
email: match@playwithmatch.com

Call For Subnissions - What’s Your Fetish?

Do you have a fetish?

YourTango is looking for personal essays from
people with sexual fixations on objects, ideas or body parts. We want to get inside your head and learn what you think and feel about your
proclivity and how it affects your relationships.

Your preference can be common or unknown—cross-dressing, erotic
asphyxiation, plushies, pony play, etc—all are welcome. You can be an
intense fetishist—you need to incorporate your preference into every
sex act in order to experience pleasure—or someone who enjoys the
activity but doesn’t require it for pleasure.

We’re not looking for erotic writing or graphic descriptions of what
goes on in your bedroom, although the essay will probably need an
overview of how a particular preference works. Instead, we want to understand the psychology behind your desire.

Some questions to get you started:

When did you discover you had this preference? How did you begin to
incorporate into your sex life? When did you first suggest it to a partner, and how did that person react? If you’re single and dating,how do you introduce the idea to a new lover? If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, how have you incorporated it into your sex life? Has the fetish ever caused disagreements or fights between you and a partner? Has it brought you closer to someone? What are your
emotions surrounding your fetish? Would your love life be different
if you didn’t have this preference?

We also welcome pitches from fetish newbies or one-timers—you don’t
need to be a knowledgeable insider to tell an insightful, interesting story. Write about doing something you’d always thought about but had never tried, or the time a date asked you for a sex act you’d never heard of, or attempting a wacky idea with your partner just for the heck of it. Did you like it, or decide it wasn’t for you? What did you think and feel before, during and after the act? How did you talk
about it with your partner? Did it bring you closer together or
further apart, or neither? Did you learn anything from the experience?

Send pitches to Nicole Perri, Nicole@yourtango.com. Thanks!

HNT - Slippery

Me getting squeaky clean before the calendar launch party. Photo courtesy of Match.

Happy HNT everyone!

Another Good Reason to Wrap It Up

This video about a man’s struggles with a rare type pf HPV (found on Gloria Brame’s awesome blog) is one of the scariest things I’ve seen.

I was so horrified watching this that I almost wish it were a hoax.

Moral - you can never be too careful.

Come Inside

image via Chagrin

On our sides, facing each other, you take my face in your hands and kiss me.

We kiss, deeply and intensely for a long time.

I feel your hand reaching into the elastic waist band of my pajama pants. Your fingertips find my clit. You were always so good with your fingers. No man had ever made me come with just his hand before you.

I’m moaning softly into your mouth and suddenly I have an overwhelming urge to feel you.

“Enter me,” I whisper softly.

You either don’t hear me or ignore me and keep kissing.

“I want to feel you inside me,” I whisper again, a little more loudly and little more desperately this time.

You stop and look at me. I pull my pants down to show you I mean business. In one motion, you get on top of me and part my legs with your knees, legs I hungrily wrap around you. You look at me while you slide in, never taking your eyes from mine.

“I love the way you feel inside me.”

“I love it when you look at me while I’m fucking you,” you say. “Big beautiful brown eyes.”

Your pace quickens. Your stroke lengthens. You fuck me. Slow, but hard.

“I love you, girl”

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

Your voice breaks with that last one. You’re on the brink, I can tell.

“I want you to come inside me.”

And as if on command, as if that was just what you needed to hear to put you over the edge, your face twists and you begin to make guttural, almost whimpering sounds.

I squeeze.

I feel your cock throb and then I feel the hot bursting.

I’m not supposed to admit that I love that. I’m not supposed to talk about how good it feels.

But I do and it does.

You collapse on my chest and I wipe the sweat from your brow.

“Intense huh?”

“Totally.”

Performance Pressure

photo by flickr user jrblackwell

I was beginning to worry that he was one of those guys that just couldn’t get off unless I was constantly saying filthy things to him.

It’s not that I’m against the whole potty mouthed slut routine. It’s just that I have trouble doing it on command.

Instead of concentrating on the feeling of the cock and the fucking, I’m now racking my brain for clever and dirty things to say.

People expect writers to automatically be great communicators. But just because one can express herself well in written form doesn’t mean she has the same success or ease when it comes to verbal communication (I even contemplated writing out a script and then reciting it while in bed…figured later that it wouldn’t be a good idea).

I’d like to be more vocal during sex because I know my partner really likes it but the talking has to come about organically. Hearing constant commands to “talk dirty to me” or “tell me how much you love this cock” etc. only gives me a weird anxiety.

Wait, you mean you want me to fuck your brains out and give you play by play?

Too bad noises don’t count. If they did, I’d score highly since I’ve been known to get really loud.

Plus, I kinda find the whole thing distracting. A little dirty talk here and there is great and I have no problems saying wonderfully dirty things before and after the act but carrying on the equivalent of a full filthy conversation is totally different. It takes my mind away from what’s going on and I can’t be fully present in the sex itself. I need my mind in order to get off.

This is why I sucked at/hated working the phones.

I was good at phone sex and enjoyed it immensely in my personal experience.

After my ex fiancee and I had broken up for like the millionth time, I was in somewhat of a bad way. I was working full time and going to school full time and struggling to pay everything by myself.  Professional phone sex seemed like an attractive option at the time. I could do it from home and make the extra money I needed.

But I hated just about every minute I spent working the phones. The constant performance pressure was too much for me. And then factor in that for me, like many people, the enjoyment of an activity fades once you have to do it and get paid for it.

I quit the phone as soon as I could.

So yes, I like to talk dirty.

But I guess once I have to it’s just not fun anymore.

Calendar Launch Party This Friday

OK.

I know I’ve been a little scare ’round these parts lately. Lot’s going on. Working on a book proposal, busy month at work, new lover etc. (will definitely be writing much about the new lover soon).

But I’m back. And for those of you in the area, or coming to the area, remember there’s a big party this Friday.

You simply must come dahling. Everyone’s going to be there!

There’ll be some good naughty swag for out first 100 guests and the chance to win more. Check the blog for the latest list of raffle prizes.

Here’s the trailer video:

Launch party this Friday, November 14 6:30 to 9:30 @ The White Rabbit, 145 East Houston St.

Seven Deadly Facts

..well not really deadly but interesting nonetheless.

Apparently there’s this new meme thingy going around. And I guess it’s my turn because I got tagged by that sexy muthafucka, Jack.

Here are the commandments:

-Thou shalt link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.

-Thou shalt share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

-Thou shalt tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.

-And let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

And without further ado…

1. My absolute favorite food in the whole wide world would have to be eggs. I can and often do eat eggs in some form every day (really, it’s a wonder I have normal cholesterol levels). i consider making someone eggs the morning after one of the highest expressions of affection. I’m working on several cookbooks right now and one of the contains solely egg recipes.

2. I am of Caribbean decent. My mommy’s side of the family is from Barbados and my daddy’s side is from Jamaica. I lived in Jamaica for a little over a year, and like many I’m a first generation American. My accent only comes out if I’m pissed (a rarity since I’m slow to anger) and I really only speak Patois around family. I find the majority of people’s impressions of the Jamaican accent to be severely annoying.

3. I have a thing for knives. I pretty much always carry at least one, and I’ve got a little collection that I plan to display on my wall (once I obtain a sword that is). I know this will seemingly contradict what I said earlier about being slow to anger, but I’m what you’d call a “stabby” person. No, I don’t get angry easily. But when I do, you’d better make sure there are no sharp edges around. Ask my ex fiancee. He’ll tell you…

4. I am an ass woman (that sounds funny). You know how you always see guys on the street turn around and look at the asses of the women who walk by them? Well, that’s me. I can’t help it. I enjoy staring at women’s asses. If you’re a chick and you know me, I’ve likely checked out your butt.

5. People are actually surprised to learn that I’m kind of a nerd (it’s the tits..society conditions us to think boobs and brains don’t go together). I’m a trivia junkie and read about sixty books a year. I’m also a grammar Nazi. I’m the one everyone calls when they want the definition of something or they want something spelled properly.

6. My love of comic books has been well documented, but unless you’ve visited my apartment you probably don’t know that I also collect figurines and toys. My collection is almost complete. I’m searching for the perfect Wolverine bust, a Yoda bust and an official Star Wars light saber. Then I’ll be satisfied. I think.

I’m a geek as well (yes, there’s a difference but that would take a whole post of it’s own to explain).

7. I love to drink scotch. A nicely aged single malt served neat… no ice, no water.

OK here’s the tag part. I tag:

Tess - the only woman on the internet with cleavage comparable to mine

Twanna - the coolest, funkiest brown chick I know

Tammy - aka Pinkie aka my little sister. She’s not a sex blogger (she’s way too good for that, unlike her older sister) but is equally awesome in her own right.

The Fury - Because I get moist whenever there’s something new from him in my feed reader

Os - because he’s awesome and I want to know more about him

Bad Bad Girl - my new girl crush

Mollena - my other new girl crush

Behind The Scenes At The Calendar Shoot

For your viewing pleasure.

The second behind the scenes video will be released a week before our launch party.

You ARE coming right? Because I hear if you purchase your calendar at the party, you get to spank a certain Lusty Lady.

So here’s the video. Huge thanks to Dacia for filming this.