The day before I got invited to pose for this calendar, I weighed in at 190 pounds.
I wasn’t expecting to see much less than that. I had been flirting with the 200 pound mark for some time now, but at 190, those flirtations just got that much more heated.
Posing scantily clad for a calendar? I admit there was a time when such a prospect would scare the shit out of me.
But not now.
As women, it seems we’re destined to struggle with our bodies in one way or another. We seem to always want to change ourselves. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be fitter and healthier, I find that such changes are better and longer lasting when you come from a place of self love rather than self loathing.
I eventually just gave up the idea that there was something wrong with me. I gave myself permission to roll a little here or sag a little there.
Because sexy is not at all about what number the scale registers. It’s about how you work what you’ve got.
That being said, I always felt a weird affinity with Jessica Rabbit. I dressed up as her for senior pride back in high school. I use her as my avatar when I don’t want to use my picture. It only seemed right that I interpret her in this calendar project.
I saw Jessica and I as having a lot in common. Besides the tendency to pop out of our dresses, we were both misjudged because of how we looked.
In the film Jessica, because of the way she was built and because she was just so damned sexy was immediately thought to be a shrewish and unfaithful wife. In reality she wasn’t and went to great lengths to protect her rabbit husband. We all remember her famous quip, “I’m not bad I’m just drawn that way”, but there was another part in the movie where she confesses to Valiant, “you have no idea how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”
I know how you feel, sister.
Because I was similarly “stacked”, I had a hell of a time during my school days. Wearing a C cup by the time I was twelve and still growing fast, I was constantly harassed by classmates, male and female alike.
To the guys I was an object, a walking pair of breasts. To the girls I was a slut, plain and simple (which really was laughable because they were all fucking way before I was).
Any big breasted woman can tell you, we get a bad rap for no other reason than we were given a little extra.
What was awesome about Jessica Rabbit was that instead of trying to hide it (as if she could hide those things even if she tried) she just owned it, braving all the looks and snide comments. She just continued to be who she was.
I learned this lesson the hard way myself after spending five grand on a breast reduction operation only to have them grow back within a few years. My girls were sending me a message. “We’re here to stay”, they seemed to be telling me, and finally, I’m at peace with that. I want to celebrate that.
I know it’s a little loony because she’s a cartoon, but Jessica Rabbit is one of my heroes and I plan to do right by her in this calendar.
Of course you’ll have to buy one in order to see my tribute…
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I know how you feel. For me, training bras never existed. From age 12 and up, girls would always look at me like I was about to steal their boyfriend.
Hello. And Bye.
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