baserinstincts

My Own Private Hillary

I feel for Hillary.

I’m not saying that I am a Hillary supporter per se.

I, in fact, didn’t vote for her in the primaries.

I do wonder, however, just how much of her perceived shortcomings and personality flaws have anything to do with her as a person.

Or does she get a bad rap because she’s a woman?

I sought to find out why Hillary inspires such strong feelings and such strong rhetoric.

I came across this article and it really brought it home for me.

There are many interesting points but this quote really summed up what I was looking for:

“Some of the more common adjectives hurled at Hillary are familiar to any high-achieving female. And, sure, the woman known in high school as “Sister Frigidaire” faces all the glass-ceiling, woman-in-a-man’s-job, underestimated, underpaid, overworked gender guff that also frustrates senators Olympia Snowe and Mary Landrieu. But what makes our reaction to her far more extreme? More than any other public figure, Hillary forces us to acknowledge that the path to power for American women is not all that clear, more an odyssey than a march…Ask your friends if their fear and loathing of Hillary has anything to do with her being a woman, and you’ll undoubtedly get a denial.”

It must suck to have people doubt your capabilities for no other reason than you were born with a slit.

And I truly feel that that is the gist of it. Hillary’s less admirable characteristics wouldn’t really be a big deal if she were a man.

And I know just how she feels.

I got promoted at work this past week.

It boggles my mind that in the four years this location of my company has been doing business, I’m the first woman to hold the position I hold now.

When I first began work in this department, I entered into a serious boys club. Having worked primarily with women for the entirety of my work history, I had quite a bit of adjusting to do. But adjust I did and I eventually earned the respect of my co-workers.

Well, most of them.

I found my victory (beating out two male candidates) to be bittersweet.

“Congratulations sweetie,” one coworker, who was now in effect my subordinate, said to me. “I’m so proud of you.”

Proud of me? I wondered if he would have said that if any of the guys had been offered the job. He made it sound like I beat the odds or something.

There was nothing for him to be proud of.

I worked hard to get where I was. I was the most knowledgeable and qualified candidate.

Period.

Another coworker, one of the guys who’d applied for the position as well and again was now my subordinate, quipped about how sexy women in power were and alluded to being willing to offer me sexual favors in exchange for a raise or promotion.

Was I in the twilight zone?

Just today, one of the guys almost bumped into me and then remarked snidely “Oh, I don’t want to hit the first lady.” A political debate ensued between him and another coworker, during which he states emphatically “America doesn’t want a female President.”

America, for him at that moment, was our department and that female president he resented so was me.

There was my boss (well he’s no longer my boss as we’re on the same level now), who tried with all his might to convince the panel not to vote for me (or so I’m told…the particulars of post-interview deliberation are not to be discussed once interviews are over but the scoop inevitably always leaks) saying that I was unreliable and that I was “too emotional”, but publicly, in the weeks leading up to the interviews, he was the absolute pillar of support.

And then there’s the Big Boss, who made no secret of his doubts on whether I could handle the job, even as he was offering it to me. I had to wonder if he’d have hit any of the male candidates with the same spiel.

And so instead of feeling great about my career and more confident in my abilities, I ended up feeling dubious and anxious.

I got over it though and decided the best revenge would be to prove them all wrong (bloody ignorant naysayers, the lot of them).

This speaks to a much bigger issue of course. Women in the workplace still don’t get the respect (and in many cases, the money) they deserve, even when they prove themselves, their brilliant, competent selves, time and time again.

Brilliant, competent women in the workplace are called bitches. Crazy bitches.

Brilliant, competent men in the workplace (and even men with talent that’s mediocre at best) are called CEO’s.