baserinstincts

The Hand Test

March 4, 2008 on 11:37 am | In fuck-stration |

You know how they say a woman knows within five minutes of meeting a man whether or not she’d sleep with him?

Well in my experience that’s pretty much true.

Not only  do I know if I would sleep with him hypothetically, but for the most part I can also tell if it will actually happen in real life.

So there’s this guy.

He’s kinda cute, deep voice, very intelligent.

I became intrigued by him one day out of the seeming blue after having seen him everyday for awhile. He struck me as the shy, reserved, inexperienced type and for some reason that made me even more curious. So I started to talk to him. And eventually he’d talk back and then I noticed he’d blush and smile when I greeted him.

We got together one morning to play SCRABBLE.

I won (I always win).

We’d go to the movies, cafes. We’d talk on the phone. Our relationship was wonderfully platonic.

See, it was taking me way longer than five minutes with this one. I enjoyed his company immensely but couldn’t determine if there’d be any sexual chemistry there.

One day a bunch of us (meaning me. the guy an a group of our mutual friends) were horsing around and this one guy who’s like my little brother asks me what I want for Valentine’s day.

I whisper to him that I’d like for someone to tie me up and spank me.

He related this to another mutual friend who then asked if he could do the honors.

“I’m taking applications,” was my reply.

I held out my hand and told him to hit it.

He hit like a bitch.

Immediate disqulification.

Another friend of ours came by (and incidentally it only took five seconds before I knew I’d hypothetically jump his bones) I asked him to hit my hand.

He raised his arm and brought it down hard.

My hand turned red instantly and welted up within a few minutes.

I smiled.

Too bad he had a girlfriend.

I was tempted to ask my platonic friend to hit my hand just out of curiosity but I held out at first. Would I offend him? We’d never joked like that.

But I wasn’t going to find out where this might go if I didn’t push limits a little.

I walked up to him, smiled, held out my hand.

He looked up at me, blushed, smiled back.

And then….he walked away.

Didn’t even take the hand test.

Whether he was a prude or just not into spanking didn’t matter at that point.

Didn’t want to spank my hand?

That settles it.

Friends it is.