How I didn’t notice him until senior year, I’ll never comprehend.
And even once I did, it was toward the end of senior year. We’d soon be going off to college in two very different places and any chances for a real budding romance were dwindling.
But the attraction was utterly palpable.
There were mild flirtations during the senior trip. There were the usual questions, “does he really like me or is he just being friendly?”.
As far as physical features went, he ranked somewhere just below Greek god. He was tall, his skin a smooth dark chocolate (his family was from Africa, Nigeria to be exact) and he was extremely well built (he was on the football team).
And he had a smile that could halt traffic.
While back then I was probably too young and un self-aware to recognize a throbbing in the crotch area, I know now that’s exactly what it was. It was my first time looking at a man and wanting to fuck him.
We got to talking once we got back to school. I forgot exactly how the subject came about but after awhile it became clear that he was propositioning me.
I wanted to say yes but lacked the sexual sophistication to honor that feeling right away. I was confused about wanting him. I’d only been with one person thus far, within the context of a loving two year relationship (the way I was taught it was supposed to be…well actually I was taught to wait until marriage but we all know how realistic that is).
This guy wasn’t my boyfriend and I knew he would never be. Yet there it was, the desire to fuck. This was a new experience and I was a long way from coming into myself sexually enough that would make going for it a comfortable thing.
It took me until the end of the school year to make up my mind, in fact classes had already ended.
I was logged into AOL (hey, this was a long time ago) one night and saw his screen name pop up. I IMed him. We made small talk for awhile and then I told him I wanted to take him up on his proposition.
“What changed your mind,” he asked.
“I read in a magazine that when you’re out shopping the best way to tell if you really want something is to leave the store. If you’re still thinking about the item the next day, then you really want it. Well, I left school and realized I still wanted you.”
We made plans to get together the following week.
Now remember this is high school, the days of figuring out ways to steal sex in your parent’s house (sometimes even while they’re at home).
I went to his mother’s house which wasn’t that far from me. By this time I was much more comfortable with the idea (probably due to hormones), that idea being where you enjoy someone’s company and are really attracted to them and want to be with them to see what it’s like but not necessarily anything more.
Sex for sex’s sake, take one.
Except the sex never happened.
We had some wonderful foreplay but when it came down to it, he was just too worried about his mom coming home and catching him (and subsequently getting kicked out of the family) to um….keep his head in the game. In short he went schizo dick on me, erect one minute and the next, not.
If women could get blue balls I certainly would have had them that day.
We ran into each other again when he was home from college visiting. Well, we didn’t exactly “run into” each other. We talked on the phone and I found out he was in town so I invited him over.
He was still sexy as all hell.
My mom was out at work and besides my little sister, happily occupied playing Barbie in her own room, we had the house to ourselves. I didn’t want to be presumptuous so I was glad when he made the move. Things got hot and heavy real fast but when it came down to it…”do you have any condoms” he called from behind me.
“No,” I answered.
Shit! What the hell? How could he not come prepared? I wanted to cry.
“You?”
“No. I forgot them. That’s why I asked.”
We didn’t keep in much contact after that. I do remember emailing him to tell him not to be such a stranger and that if memory served we still had a bit of unfinished business to take care of.
No answer.
Years passed and before I knew it, it was reunion time. I got super dolled up and went out to mingle and reconnect with some of the most amazing people I’d known. I was talking to a good friend of mine (and one who knew the whole saga) when I felt a hand on my waist. I spun around a little startled and then I was staring up into his gorgeous, smiling face.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey yourself,” he replied and swept me into a big hug. Right on cue, things were twitching in my nether regions. We chatted for a bit and then he went to get a drink. He was seriously the last person I had expected to see there. Another friend then came up to me. “Rekindling an old flame,” he asked.
“Well…,” I started getting ready to explain that nothing ever happened but he cut me off.
“Spark that girl! Spark it!”
The night went on and eventually my ride was ready to leave. I made rounds to say my last goodbyes and ran again into him. “Leaving already,” he asked.
I jerked my head toward my friend saying, “she drove. I’m at her mercy.”
“Oh ok,” he said.
A pregnant silence followed.
It was now or never guy. Were we finally going to do this after what was now ten years of near misses and of dodging the issue?
There were no mothers to consider as we both lived alone now.
And I’m sure at that moment we both had at least several condoms on us.
I wasn’t going to ask.
Not verbally but the question was in my eyes.
He whipped out his cell. “Well let me get your number,” he said.
“Sure.”
I rattled the digits off and he called me right away so I could then save his number in my phone. “Keep in touch,” he said.
I hugged him once more and turned to leave.
We were now both staring at our phones, each knowing we’d never call the other.
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