baserinstincts

Vex Money

Vexed (adj.) - 1. Irritated, distressed, or annoyed

2. troubled persistently especially with petty annoyances
The concept of “vex money” was explained to me by my mother and is just one of many jewels given to me by her that I treasure.

All of the women in my family, on both sides, are fiercely independent.

There weren’t really many men around and the women made getting by without them look so very easy (and in fact preferable). I guess I always sort of had the idea growing up that men cramp your style (except during a couple of boy crazy phases during junior high and high school).

Anyway, one day as my mother was cooking (something that didn’t happen often so I remember it well) she said to me “Desi, never go out with a man unless you have money.”

I made some comment about that defeating the purpose and she just repeated herself more forcefully. “Even if he’s taking you out, you should not be going out with him if you’re broke. You must always have your vex money!” It was her way of telling me to make sure I had an out if my date ended up pissing me off.

I laughed it off then but it stuck with me.

My mother’s sound advice proved itself as such again recently when I was on a first date with a seemingly very sweet guy.

This sweet guy just seemed to be a little too fond of liquor for my taste.

For one, I could tell when I met up with him that he’d already been drinking for the better part of the evening.

It wasn’t long into the date that he was slurring his speech and talking in circles. He was amused by everything and as for me, well I wasn’t amused in the least. I suggested to him gently that he slow down a bit. He waved me off and ordered another martini.

Now had I not followed my mother’s advice I’d have been shit out of luck as far as getting home. See, he had promised to send me home in a cab whenever I was ready to go. But as the night went on, he got so trashed that I don’t even think he noticed when I just left and hailed a cab my damn self.

Now I know that on the whole women are independent and doing more than well for themselves. But there are still quite a few who depend entirely on a man in social situations. I mean depend on them enough to leave the house with an empty wallet and no way to get home.

It would be nice if sometimes we didn’t have to worry and let them take care of everything and yes, on occasion you can find one who’s happy to without being a creep.

But the truth is you just can’t put your stock in a man to take care of you. And yes that includes a simple dinner and cab home.

And what if he does turn out to be a creep or worse a lecherous bastard? What if he tries to feel you up (assuming that’s not what you want)? What if he’s on something or in my case extremely drunk?

Do you really want to leave yourself at his mercy?

You could end up like my cousin who got asked out on a date by a seemingly sweet guy. They had a great time. And when the check came he waited quite obviously for her to pull out her wallet (this same guy incidentally was with her some time later when his car got towed…he borrowed a couple hundred dollars from her to get his car back and she hasn’t seen a dime of it yet).

So I never assume a man is going to pay for me or make sure I get home safely.

And I always carry my vex money.